Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
