I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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