Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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