Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
