If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
