living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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