I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
