someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
