When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
