I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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