So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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