I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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