Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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