Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
