I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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