Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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