Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she told me i tasted like america
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
