she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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