It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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