We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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