We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
