I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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