my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize