Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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