didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
