If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She has the best kind of daddy issues
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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