and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
