I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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