Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
