I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
