don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
