i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
