Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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