I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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