He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
