his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
