Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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