She's JV to your varsity
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
