omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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