I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
