I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
