The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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