idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
