What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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