We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
