i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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