trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
