You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize