New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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