did you get engaged???
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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