the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize