Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
