Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
