I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
