Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
