I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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