you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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