dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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