my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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