She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
