no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
