his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
