You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
