Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
