That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
