I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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