Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
