I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
