We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
