i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
