the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
vagina is talking i cant
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
