I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
