I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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