I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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